After submitting my first rough draft into the workshop last week, I received a lot of helpful feedback from a couple other students in the class. I knew my first rough draft was only a work in progress and I needed to work a lot more on it, but I was unsure what to fix. All the comments I received helped me figure out the direction I wanted to go with my paper. Both students commented that I should add more specific things I see throughout Barnes and Noble. One student recommended that I go back to Barnes and Noble a few more times to gather some more creative ideas. I have not had time to go to Barnes and Noble yet so I have not been able to add more details about the bookstore. I will go to Barnes and Noble before the final draft is due so I will be able to complete my paper better by talking about more features of the space. I will also add more descriptions and details about what I see at Barnes and Noble.
An important recommendation a student gave me about my essay was that I needed to be more personal. I knew my rough draft was lacking in personalization. The student recommended that I should talk about my personal background and history with Barnes and Noble. In my second rough draft, I have added a few personal stories and memories about certain parts of the store. I mentioned my favorite part of Barnes and Noble why it is special to me. But I have not finished adding personal anecdotes to my paper yet. I also want to add maybe a paragraph about what Barnes and Noble personally means to me but I have not yet decided how or where to incorporate this paragraph into my essay.
Another excellent recommendation by both a student and Mrs. Knudson was that I could write about the people I see in Barnes and Noble. I have not yet added this into my paper because I need to go to Barnes and Noble to observe the customers and their behavior in the store.
Lastly, I need to add a stronger conclusion. My first rough draft did not even have a conclusion so I need to work on this part. Conclusions and introduction paragraphs can sometimes be the hardest part of writing an essay. I have made some revisions to my first rough draft but it is nowhere near complete. I have plenty of more work to do on this paper.
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